Thursday, 04 December 2008

• Unequal Love

  Recently, I've been noticing a lot of asinine fights with my current boyfriend of over a year. Every time after one I step back and try to think what has motivated me and him to take our different stances and I realize a lot of what we fight about is derived from the fact that I believe our love for each other is "unequal".  He told me he loves me, and I absolutely believe him (he literally moved across the country for me). I love him as well, very much, but perhaps too much for him. I noticed I can already think of our relationship in the future more than he can... if I even mention the word marriage he throws it off saying its too long away to even have as a topic of discussion. 
  
  He seems uneasy about the whole idea of marriage and yet, I was sharing a recent post I saw here on datishing "he lost his financial aid, maybe we should get married now..." and he suggest (for some odd reason) that the person could always just marry a friend so its not complicated. Its not just this instance, but in all realms of affection, I notice myself putting more weight on the hope of a future together someday and obviously he's either too scared or for some other reason unwilling to think about that.
  
  I love him too much to even fathom the idea of breaking up with him but I'm scared that his "unequal" love with continue to tear us apart: I'll expect or hope for too much and he'll be upset or feel guilty if I keep asking for something he cannot provide for me. I'm not trying to be selfish but I feel so foolish and somewhat hurt everything I feel like my feelings for him are out on a limb.
  
  Its such a good thing I think its worth waiting out, but how do I keep it from tearing us apart? Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice?
  
  

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